My marriage counselor has done or said a few things that have shifted my views about him as an ideal father (or husband). Like mentioning how he'd yelled at his son (despite realizing he was getting too angry and should have stepped away) until his son was crying and asked if he still loved him. Honestly, I found some of these type things more confusing than anything. Like, wait, how could this person I idealize also do things like this?

And there were a few times when things he's done have hurt me, like saying last year during our second individual session about transference that his door was always open to me--meaning for individual sessions. But then when, a few months later, I tried to go through that door and request another session, he basically slammed it in my face (though was still OK with phone calls and e-mail). That was incredibly painful for me, but I'm not sure it necessarily lessened the transference. I think maybe it just intensified my abandonment fears, honestly, and made me almost cling on tighter.

But transference is clearly different for everyone, so if this is the first time you've seen this more negative side of T, then maybe it will lessen the transference?