Hey all. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist and I was prescribed Lamictal. However, I've taken other antidepressants in the past and the side effects were horrible (seizures, itching, nausea, etc.). I'm afraid to take Lamictal. But I feel like I might have to start taking it because of what's happening.

My fuse has been so short and I'm constantly irritable. I just graduated with my masters degree in counseling and I'm proud of myself, but I'm not happy. It's as if something is missing. My mom and I hung out today and I apologized for being irritable. She was honest and said that she feels unhappy and sometimes she thinks she would be better off if she was alone because she doesn't know how to interact with me anymore.

This just came as a shock to me because my mom is the only person who makes me happy, yet sometimes I feel like she doesn't understand where I'm coming from. I try to talk to her and sometimes she stays very quiet. Sometimes she just doesn't know what to say. So I keep things to myself.

I'm just so sad right now because the last thing I want to do is make my mother sad...Yet, I can't fake being happy...I'm going through some things right now that she doesn't know about (such as starting my gender identity transitioning process) and it's all just weighing on me. I'm uncertain about the future. I'm terrified it'll take me a long time to find a job. I don't want to make her sad.

Idk what I'm trying to ask for here. I just really wanted to get my feelings out in a community that would understand me.

How do you deal with making family members unhappy because of your depression?

Thanks a lot in advance.