Up until 2 days ago I was in a relationship for 2 years with, what I thought, the man I would spend the rest of my life with. Things moved fast with us because we lived together, so we got close very fast. Regardless of how fast things moved, I loved him and we got along so well. We were a match made in heaven.

I began to notice behaviors from him that I thought were odd. He didn't really respond to me when I asked him questions or after I told him how I felt about something we were discussing. He always seemed to struggle for words or remain silent, and it bothered me greatly. He also seemed to get depressed easily and often, and I had no idea why. I talked to him about these issues, and he began to open up to me. He didn't have any large amount of self-esteem and seemed to have social anxiety. He did not feel like he belonged anywhere and really overanalyzed his interactions with others. He also had issues with expressing himself. I attempted to get him into counseling, and he told me he'd do it, but it took almost a whole year until he agreed. I did not want to push him, because as a counselor in training, I know that clients who do not want to be there, usually don't make much progress. Plus, this was a decision he needed to make for himself. So, things got progressively worse, but I was blinded by love, so I thought things were just fantastic. We talked when we had problems and we seemed to work things out. He had a busy semester which he had tons and tons of projects and presentations, so I assumed that is why I never saw him anymore. Apparently, he had been shutting me out because he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me any longer. I continually asked him if he was in this, and if he needed to talk, I was available to him. I even told him I'd rather hear the truth than be led on...

Come to find out, that he did have something to tell me for a long long time and never did. He let me continue the dream I had of us living happily ever after together...allowing me to get more and more caught up in things. He wasn't sure about spending his life with me and he also wanted to fix the many problems he realizes he has now. I can respect that, but leading me I can't seem to get over.

I have suffered a great loss. First, I lost the man I wanted to spend my life with. Second, I lost my best friend. Third, I lost any ounce of comfort I felt in my home because now, we are stuck in the apt. for 6 more months. My whole world is turned upside down. Every morning is like waking up and rubbing salt in my wound. I wake up in an empty bed, tip-toeing around so I won't see him, seeing all the familiar things that remind me over and over again what I have lost.

I am trying to be positive about this and realize that everything happens for a reason. But it hurts so much to lose so much at one time. And it's humiliating to find out you've been lied to and lead on.

I miss him, I do. I want to hold him, spend time with him, laugh with him. But I can't bring myself to even see him because I am afraid it will make things harder for me to get over.

I am deathly afraid on denying my true feelings and telling myself I can get over this, and later I will find out I won't be over it.

I have so many regrets too. We were in a fight the night before we broke up, so I didn't even get to sleep with him one last time or really kiss him. I just wish I could go back in time and really kiss him hard and let him know how much I loved him and how much he meant to me.

I'm having troubles getting through the day without crying, and I have to be professional at work, and productive in my classes. I can't sleep at night, and when I do manage to, I dream about him. I'm sick to my stomach, and I just don't know what to do.
I am fortunate enough to have wonderful friends and family, but it still doesn't take the pain away...

Can anyone give me any advice...