I have been reflecting on the whole stigma surrounding Bipolar Disorder and the decision as to how much to reveal to friends, or ways to get them to understand different experiences those with the disorder face.

I choose not to disclose right away, but it does get to a point in a friendship where I feel inclined to talk to a friend about some of my behaviors so that they understand the reason behind certain phases I go into. For instance, it takes a lot to push myself while in depression, and sometimes I'll explain this to my one best friend. She understands depression in reaction to a bad event that happens, but not true depressive episodes that aren't necessarily triggered by an event. Then, she likes to throw in, "You have a lot to be thankful for." This makes me feel worse, because I know I have things to be thankful for, but it does not fix the way I feel. I also wish so badly that I lack motivation in depression, but people take it personally at times. It adds extra pressure.

Decisions I've made during mania that were kind of 'out there': I feel she sometimes tries to use against me and judges me for mistakes I've made. It hurts me that she really thinks I want to use this as an excuse. Well, not all the time, but she did this yesterday, so now I'm hypersensitive. I already punish myself every day for my mistakes, so it makes it so much worse when someone is making me feel bad and is very triggering. I'm not saying she completely lacks empathy, but I wish there were ways I can get her to understand better. A lot of times, she does mean well.

Another reaction I get: whenever I'm going through depression, one friend will just say that the answer is just to turn to religion and pray. I have no problem with her views, but I'm not super religious (although I have my own spiritual beliefs). I know people mean well, but I just wish I can find a friend who really seems to want to understand Bipolar Disorder: the guilt when we crash, the out of character, erratic behavior during mania, the psychosis, the fear, etc. I often feel fragmented or confused about my sense of self from the differences in my behavior in all these different phases and episodes.

What's your opinion and/or experiences with disclosing BP to friends? Have they been accepting or understanding? In some ways, do they sometimes trigger you by their lack of understanding? I wish others would understand.