So I had a really good session with t today. We talked about the email I sent her last week, and she was very accepting of it of course, I don't know why I was worried that she might not be, she always is... and yeah, it was a good conversation. Not as hard as I thought it was going to be. I realized how almost surreal it was, you know, sitting there talking about this very private and uncomfortable feeling with her looking right at me and not shaming me or ridiculing me or otherwise disapproving. Funny thing is, we have "the relationship talk" all the freaking time, it's one of those topics I regularly circle back to, but for some reason this time I went for broke and just admitted the wish. It goes deeper than "just" the "I love you", I told her that for the first time a long time ago, during that first year. I also apologized for having to continually talk about the relationship and she said something like "Stop that, no apologies in here".

I told her that I had wanted to text her on Sunday just to say "Merry Christmas" and she said I could have, that she would have responded with the same, but I said well the good little girl is still in here or something that I could not let myself bother her on a holiday.

I'm kinda mad at myself though. I told her last week I would be taking January off because of the overtime at work. And I even told her my rather brutal schedule for next month this evening, but I still ended up scheduling for 1/7. She said that she didn't want us to lose the feeling, or something, if I took a month off. Well, I didn't insist on not scheduling, because of course I don't really WANT to take the month off I just think I'm going to be awfully tired - so I went ahead and scheduled for 1/7 and she said it's ok if I cancel just don't wait til the last minute. Which I wouldn't do anyway. Yeah I'm mad at myself, but I'm also rather relieved that I won't have to get through the whole stupid month w/out her.

Ah, therapy. Sorry for the wall o' text. this is probably repeating stuff I put in the dear t thread. oh well. stuff happens.