Hi EJ,

This time of year does more than just the Holiday Blues for me. I have a horrible time because it seems that everytime I get to this time of year, it brings back all the horrible memories of what I was going through 3 years ago. Last year it was 2 years ago, & the year before that, it was 1 year ago.........

That was when my Mother was dying of cancer & all the horrible things I went through with the ID theft let alone everything what was happening to her.

I thought for sure that this year because I'm in Kentucky & then back to California for a few weeks to continue packing so I can get a huge move done before Christmas, that my mind would be so busy, it wouldn't bother me. Unfortunately, I find myself almost frozen here in Kentucky....I try so hard to get the things done that I have to before the furniture can come & I just can't get anything done at all. I kind of walk around the house mumbling to myself....I really have to get this done!!!!! Then the panic attack hits & I go back to my chair & go to sleep again. When I wake up.....my mind takes me right back to the memories....panic attack hits....take some meds & go right back to sleep. Luckily, the nightmares have vanished, so at least I get rest while I'm sleeping.

I did get some yard work done today. Finally got the mum's planted (they were looking very ratty) that I bought the first week I arrived with great intentions of getting them planted then. I cleared out all the dead junk from the flower bed & it's really looking nice. I have one more flower bed to go......why I'm working in the yard instead of on the necessary things in the house is beyond me......but it's what I felt like doing & did, so that's just the way that goes.

Knowing I have no family at all doesn't really bother me that much....or maybe it really does. I decided to spend more time here & go back to Calif after Thanksgiving....so won't even be spending time with my husband's family for Thanksgiving.....they are really great, so it isn't that......but thanksgiving always brings me back to the last Thanksgiving I had with my Mother & that was the saddest thing I will ever remember. She sat there across the table & couldn't even cut her food let alone get it to her mouth.....she said she wasn't hungry.....but you could see what was happening. I am sure that was just after she had a mild stroke the weekend before (looking back). I had no idea everything that was going on because none of her Dr's were honest about her condition even to her. The day after Thanksgiving was when I had a fight to get her into the hospital & that was when everything even more horrible began to happen......so this time of year holds the most horrible memories of my life & I just can't seem to escape them no matter where I am.

Debbie