So sorry you had to endure that abuse from your brother, Journey-Man. It sounds like my brother and your brother were cut from the same cloth. My brother was my biggest abuser...from before I can remember (before age 5) to about age 16. He too abuse drugs, alcohol and was into Death Metal. Although he was only 2 1/2 years older than me, he was allowed by my parents to torture, abuse, and torment me endlessly for years. Along with other abuse in my childhood, teenage years and early adulthood, I have struggled with severe depression, anxiety, and complex PTSD.

As for your fears of engaging in similar things as your family members, it seems that since you are so aware of how destructive and damaging their actions have been you would be less liking to follow the same path. You know what it is to be on the receiving end of that abuse, and your empathy would hopefully keep you from continuing the cycle. You are seeking professional help for your issues as compared to your other family members. That right there shows that you are mindful, concerned and willing to face the reality of your mental state. The answers will come as long as you keep seeking. Hugs to you!!