I got a new job within five minutes walking of where I live. I know I should be happy, but instead I am really overwhelmed. Any comments would be appreciated.

I applied for the job almost without much thought because it was nearby and my vehicle recently broke down and the repair is turning out to be extremely costly. I got hired almost instantly -- not for the job I applied for...but for another job that is ten times more stressful and physically demanding.. That I got hired at all startled me because I have been out of work for over 18 months due to a debilitating depression. I decided to start applying for jobs and got called in to interview for this job the first day of my new job hunt.

I have become extremely anxious and had to call a hotline on Christmas day because I was alone all that day and I started freaking out about the job, being anxious, and my life feeling out of control. The feedback the hotline counselor gave me was that getting the job was a very positive step.

Everyone is saying it is great that I am forcing myself out of my comfort zone. (Well, just a few people that know about this.)

This job environment is potentially dangerous so I would not want to be on any medications while working this job, and presently I am not. However, I am dealing with severe anxiety and depression.

My health provider had a counselor/advisor talk to me about what I should do about the anxiety and they said I need to be in counseling. But of course I am still training in this new job, the hours are very erratic, and I don't have any transportation except buses until my vehicle is repaired (if it can be repaired as it is very old)...so setting up and getting to, and paying for counseling is just another stress.

I am alone without family or friends nearby, I have extreme financial problems, I feel really mentally fragile...and now I have started a very fast-moving, intense job that does not pay a wage I can live on.

My idea is to take it one step at a time. To do this job while looking for a new job.

However, I am truly wondering...what will happen if I crack under the stress and strain? I have no one to help me. I contacted some friends and family over the holiday season to try to explain to them that I was feeling very dangerously compromised by all my problems. Mostly they said they had no idea how to help me and I should get into counseling, get a job, find friends, and build a life. Just like that. They cannot imagine how difficult this is while trying to pull myself out of a deep, dark hole I have been in for almost two years.

I am older. This job entails me to be on my feet the entire time and I feel really depressed. So far I've been doing training and it has been extremely intense. I should add that the people who have been training me are super nice, the company culture is upbeat, and everyone is encouraging. No one has led me to believe - so far - that I can't do this job...however, in my present state I am finding everything in my life brutally hard. I cannot even imagine how I keep appearing as normal because inside I feel like I am crumbling.

How can I get mentally and physically stronger in a very short time??? If I don't --- I fear I will not survive.