Sorry, Dave. You're pretty obviously depressed . . . and have been for probably quite some time . . . so it's become an entrenched condition. The SSRI's and SSNI's didn't help me, when I was really down for prolonged intervals. Stimulants gave me a tense, anxious feeling. Amitriptyline (Elavil) - a tricyclic antidepressant - has been what's actually made a difference. Doctors avoid this old-fashioned med, but it's probably the mist effective anrudepressant ever invented.

I guess my main point is that I think I'ld advise you to let go of "the medical model" that says this is a "brain disorder" and the fix might be some drug. (Oh, there are drugs that could definitely make you feel a lot better . . . for a while. That would be - like - opiates. You could get some euphoria from abusing drugs, like narcotics or heroin. But I take it you're not looking to become a skid row addict.)

If there really were these great psych meds out there that fix depression, modern medicine would have rid the world of depression. I part company with a lot of my fellows here at Psych Central, in not being much of a believer in medication for the problem you describe. I always say, "Give it a whirl." But you have, and it didn't really help. Neither do I think visits with therapists get you anywhere, really.

I was introverted, and I always saw that as a major part of the foundation of being depressed. Without meaningful engagement in the world of human affairs - I don't think you can get much out of life. Humans are social creatures. It's in our DNA.

I don't want to sound like I'm blaming you. However this disengagement got started, I totally believe it was not your choice. In no way do I blame you for being where you are at.

I do believe the following: You've got an approach to life that us not working for you . . . but you're sticking with it - come heck or high water - because you sincerely believe to change your approach would be futile.

I believe that it would not be futile . . . but it would take patient persistence at a new approach before you would see a pay-off. Depressed people have zero patience sticking with anything that - for a while - seems to make no difference. I know. Been there.

Is there a reason why you're not working? (if that's the case.) I'm not saying that only people with jobs deserve to be happy. But there's a rule of the universe that says if your not engaged in getting to a goal, you are going to be miserable. Somewhere within 100 miles of you is at least one person who get's up in the morning and goes out to steal stuff. That person is happier than you. He (or she) is on a mission. That person doesn't deserve to be happier than you, but he is.

You need a "mission." You need an agenda. My guess is that somewhere along the line what you were about got subordinated to someone else's "agenda." When you were born, you didn't get dropped into a void. You dropped into an existence controlled by other people. You didn't navigate your way out of that. You didn't know how.

Just a theory . . . something to think about.

I believe you deserve and can have better for yourself.