i have felt like im dieing for a long time now...
it makes me cry... i dont wanna die...
but it would explain things... why my brain isn't working properly...
developing something like alzheimers or Wernicke–Korsakoff syndrome...
might as well be dead....
all i have ever wanted was to be happy... i tried so hard to be happy, but its all a mirage... i thought i was trying to be happy... but all i was doing was trying to make everyone else happy... i thought if everyone else was happy then i could be happy...
but its impossible to make everyone else happy... its hardly possible to make 1 person happy... so i've abused myself for 20 years...
just to try to make everyone happy... because how can you survive such mental pain without abusing substances... or cutting or some thing...
and what do i have to show for it.... my family still not happy... im still not happy... n have brain damage... and many scars.... self inflicted as well as not...

i just.... want to be normal.... to have a chance at life.... what am i going to do
i dont want to die like this.... i dont have a life.... its not fair.... and no one gets it.....
its not wonder im suicidal.... who would want to live like this.... never knowing whats going on.... not remembering anything.... and you try to explain, but no one understands... or maybe they just dont care.... if im going to die i want to die before it gets too much worse before i cant remember anything at all.... i dont want to live like this....
please..... just make it stop...