I'm sure many of us can really relate to your post. I was in a tunnel of blackness without hope for anything. I was able to get out only to trip and fall back in. It's really a vicious cycle and I really do feel your pain. But you do have friends and family within the PC community. Please PM me or anyone else you feel comfortable with if you would like more one on one communication so you don't feel alone. You can get through this. It may not feel like it, but continue to put forth the effort to feel better and you will eventually feel better. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

ps- your post wasn't that long, I've read waaaay longer....and your boys have an awesome mom!!