Hi seesaw

Reading your story is like my own. I don't talk to most of my family due to the toxicity. I've been hurt too many times from childhood and also adulthood. It seems you've had no support from them. Yes it is hard because I know you want to belong to a family. But your 'family' does not consist of love and wanting a healthy relationship with you. It leaves you feeling isolated. I feel the same way, and the feelings of sadness are exacerbated at Christmas time.

I realise a few years ago that I have complex PTSD, you may want to read up about it. Its the result of multiple traumas from childhood and is worse than your common PTSD. So focus on friends that love you.

PH