I'm in therapy for trauma work stemming from some bad things throughout my childhood. I won't say now as to not trigger anyone, plus my concerns are not directly related to that issue at this time.

Recently therapy has been very difficult. My therapist and I often feel that we are at a standstill, stuck without real idea of how to move forward. I've been getting caught up in my inner child's needs for a mom. I've been having dreams and day fantasies of my therapist being my mom. Sometimes we are playing outside in the snow together, other times I'm crawling into her bed with her after being scared in the night. However, most of the dreams involve some sort of abandonment: showing up at her house and her telling me that I don't belong there, coming into the office and her telling me that she is not my family and I need to go home. It sounds so stupid, but I'm finding myself so saddened and angry, but also wanting so much to be close to her. I've been thinking about her with her kids and family throughout the holidays and it kills me.

I feel like I should quit therapy. I don't know how to accept that my therapist can't be more than my therapist. It hurts my heart to hear her say that she will help me get through this, or learn to feel better because I know that it ultimately means that I must do this by myself. I feel so alone and thinking about her with her family is really tearing at me. Any suggestions? I know that this is transference, but its also a very real enjoyment of my therapist. She's a fantastic person, sweet, smart, funny, quirky, and a little insecure if I may say so myself, but in a way that means she is constantly working to understand more, to be more. I so appreciate her and would hate to lose her in my life. Help me please.