My first week at a new job. I didn't want the job but had to take it. My ear has been giving me problems...all stuffed up. I made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow morning.

Today when I was getting ready for work (afternoon and evening hours) my ear totally closed up and I couldn't hear anything. For my job I have to talk with people and navigate a potentially dangerous environment. I need to be able to hear. I became severely, severely, insanely depressed.

When I got to the work place I immediately ran into my temporary supervisor and explained my problem. She said to take off today and bring in a note from my doctor.

I thought this was nice. She could have had me stay and do other work.

As I have stated in many threads...I started a new job and am trying to do it even when coming off an 18 month severe depression.

Part of me is upset about having to miss work in the first week. However, I had let my supervisor know earlier in the week that I needed to go to a doctor for my ear.

As I write this I am in bed and warm, and my ear is clear! But in the cold it clogs up.

I know that I am still very unstable because a part of me is very apathetic about my whole situation. I feel like I am trying my best but I am not coping very well.

Since I am home tonight I am going to go to sleep early and get some extra sleep. At this point I don't actually know if I am going to be able to keep this job.

The worst part of mental health issues is the stigma attached. If I had a physical problem maybe it would be easier? I feel like I am falling through the cracks.

The only thing I did right today was show up for work as if I was going to work. I didn't just stay at home and call in. Maybe that counts for something. I intended to work but my hearing went out.