It sounds like you might need some coping skills to deal with your depression. There are lots of tools out there. Meditation, journaling, exercise, talking to a close friend, posting here medication, therapy, just off the top of my head. It sounds to me like you are conflicted about this job. I have felt that way before too when I'm overwhelmed with a job, but also see the benefits. In my case, I'm not working right now. I'm taking care of myself first and on disability for now. I do think, that recovery from depression is like a dance. 2 steps forward, 1 step back. What is your situation? Do you have to work? Are you in debt? Can you take it 1 day at a time? Or can you look for an easier job?