Sorry if this is poorly written. I've held this in for far too long so I'm just going to be blunt and say it outright. My father molested me when I was 7 and sporadically as I got older. I never really thought of it let alone remembered it for most of my adolescence. But as years go by, repressed memories emerge. Many memories are unsettling to me and I refused to accept that my father would do such things. I just forgot so many nasty things that man did to me. I wanted to maintain the image of my good, caring father and sometimes still do but he ruined me. I don't know what I'm allowed to feel because I acted like nothing happened for 12 years. Sharing any of this with someone in my family or outside of the internet, is terrifying. I feel like they would think I;m making it up which I rationally know is ridiculous. Why would I ruin a "good" relationship with my father? It was only good on the surface. Don't even get me started on my father's relationships or lack thereof with my brothers. I used to defend the man which makes me feel sick. I'm scared to let myself feel and remember and accept.

Thanks for reading. I'm of course open to questions, input and help!
Riesa