The only way I found more relief today was by taking more benzos than usual, which I don't want to make a habit in doing. I thought I'd be more tired now. I'm a little groggy, but more wired, and it's past 3 AM here.

I anticipate anxiety tomorrow, although it's just another day. I think loneliness, feeling low, self-doubts, and feeling isolated because of the depression is interfering with my confidence to reach out to friends and people who I need the most during this time. I feel others don't value me as much as I value them. I hate thinking like that, but I can't help it.

I see my pdoc the week after New Year's Day, and I see my Therapist two days after New Year's. It's been about 3 weeks since I've seen her, so I know it's well overdue, although I'm not exactly sure if there's any clear solution to how I've been feeling lately.