Mouse,

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
protect myself from aloneness. Desperately fighting anything that threatens me with nothingness

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

When I was a little girl I was alone much of the time. I have come to realize that void is reflected in my adult self as a fear of being alone. I think when I was small and alone I was afraid much of the time; that something would happen to me. The small child who doesn't have her mother present to reflect, validate, and consolidate is left with a fragility inside because her identity(personality) was made from surroundings that didn't validate. In my case, I read many, many books. I had a rich fantasy life and that was my survival. But I still carry that same inner fear you describe of falling into nothingness. The "what if I don't really exist?"

Your work with T and your recovery are witness, however, to your inner strength.

Peace