((((((( mouse )))))))))

I so understand that. I didn't know that I was "digesting" others doing for me in my own incapability equaled care and love to me, they also equaled bad and what I needed to fear. Care and love came from actions....as did the bad. I'd never had enough good care and love. I learned to strictly go by actions.

Somehow, after years and years of disappointment, I flipped the coin (again with no awareness of my actions) to no one need do ANYTHING for me. I needed NO ONE. Umm, that didn't work either. I'd gone from 1 to 10, when there's a nice 5 there. I think I'm at about a 5 now.

I really couldn't trust words when I was younger. In fact, it could be dangerous to. I HAD to go by actions and that carried me a long time in my life. After all, people could say anything they want with their mouth and actions could be completely different...being what affected the most.

Only time and repetition with awareness in my goal helped me overcome that. I hope the same for you.

I wish you well there. You try so incredibly hard, and I know you'll succeed.

KD