I can't seem to get a break.

I had my new appointment scheduled for Feb 1, enough time to get used to the idea and sort out my research so I can set a good tone for the new pdoc. I also wanted to me completely off psych meds by my first appointment.

I finally got a decent sleep last night. The first time in over a week so of course the phone rings at 8:45. It was my new pdocs nurse telling me there is an opening today and asked if I wanted to come in today. I could have said no and probably should have, but I have a tough time saying no. So, now I am trying to collect my notes and sort things out in my mind so I don't come off like the blubbering moron that I am. Psych appointments feel like my master's defense, any hole in my argument gets pounced on and used against me. Maybe that is just my paranoia. It also feels adversarial because they inevitably want to force their will on me and all I really try to do is get out of there without getting tossed into the psych ward.

I am pretty much off meds though, getting off the benzo was easy and I use it on an as needed basis. Being off meds is strange, I am doing about the same off as I was on except my sleep is out of whack, more voices and I have more energy. My depression is better than it has been in at least 8 years.