I was reading..feeling your cries of pain. I'm so sorry you are feeling so badly right now..and are so desparate for some kind of relief. I know that feeling. I have been there before. When seconds tick away like hours. That useless "don't belong" feeling. The lonliness. It is melancholia wrapping around you and doing it's thing. I feel sort of helpless even writing this to you cause I know I can only empathize with you....but I know what you are feeling. I can tell you this also...it is melancholia's lies to you.
These are some of the great untruths depression will bring in it's blanket of gloom. They are just not true. I know it's sooo hard right now....but you have to at least try to understand this...comprehend this...and conciously fight it with your very soul. Start out small...baby steps...breathe and concentrate on that. Pray...fervently and often...preferably while walking or exercising off the anxiety.
Whatever...stay busy...even when you are sooo tired. find things to do for others...your kids...parents...etc. Sometimes helping others helps you...because you feel useful.
Take your medicine..or one that will work...if your present one isn't. Seek support groups in your area. They are everywhere. Seek a spiritual advisor...Pastor...etc. to vent to. And...of course...a therapist/doctor that will moniter you and help you. I kept a journal also and wrote and prayed while I wrote...so that now when I read them....it is like a strange wonderful/terrible journey of my soul. It still helps me to see...me.
These are just some ideas that I found helpful for me...long before there wasn't any "Psych Central". Now...you have this wonderful place at your fingertips to help you too!
If it all gets to be too much...holler for help right here. You will recieve at the very least...consolation and empathy.
Again...I am sorry you hurt...I know how it is....I know it is not much I do for you...but maybe in the understanding of pain...the feel thereof...we can meet and help you.
Take care...prayers and blessings...D.