For me, it is all or nothing thinking that gets in my way. I either am powerless and taken care of (too closely, smothered) or I'm independent and drift off into space or something :-)

I think I forget that even though I'm independent, I still have or can establish "connections" to others. Other people want or need me and I want or need them. I am not "taken care of" but I am loved.

My husband and I and our wills are struggling with that; he wants me "taken care of" if he dies first. I want control of "all the money" :-) But there are other factors besides he and I; there are taxes, and heirs for when we both are dead, and Time. I always forget Time in one guise or another.

Don't know if it will help, but you know when you are driving and you have to look "where" you are going and you will almost automatically steer the car that way? I have found that if I'm in a scary driving situation, narrow road with construction, especially, I can look further ahead and I lose some of my anxiety. Not trying to see immediately in front of or to the side (where the barricades seem too close :-) of me when I'm going so fast and my eyes can't keep up helps me psychologically as well as physically; I feel like I'm going to get to that piece of road ahead and "forget" the narrowness of the road next to or immediately in front of me.

As a child we were powerless. I often cudgel my brain trying to think what I would have done differently at 5, 9, 13, 17, etc. and I can't think of much that would have changed things? I didn't have or know many of the skills then that I have now. Now I can ask questions and make sure I understand situations; I can reality check and be "present"! I can stand it if the news is bad because I am "independent" and can help myself in ways I couldn't as a child. And, I know I won't abandon myself anymore. I'll stick with myself and figure it out, no matter how painful. I can get help for myself.