sister, I just shared with T a few days ago that I feel embarrassed because I read so many psych books, but I can't relate that material to me. I read it, understand it, but I can't apply it to me and I feel so stupid about that. She said that's natural to read it and absorb it in that way.

I thought since I couldn't apply it to my stuff it was a waste of time. I was going to say I wasn't going to ready any more psych stuff. I had decided that I was trying too hard and what I was really trying to to was to figure things out outside of session, to be the therapist and that it's a resistance to being the patient. I thought these books would help me find my own words to put with what I feel, but that hasn't happened.

I love words too and struggle to name my emotions. In the last 2 sessions she has abruptly asked What are you feeling right now? I laugh, defensively, and say I don't know. It seems like feelings are extremes, with a blankness in between that has no name. She must think I'm an idiot, huh?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I have avoided this part of our repartee in order to try and force myself to stay in the feeling state while I am in therapy.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I think it's wonderful that you know this is what you need and so you do it--taking good care of you. I confess to feeling jealous as I read that.

Yalom and any others can wait. You're more important