i've been hitting myself, like on my head with my hands. i know it's not normal.

i used to do it when i was younger a few times and in high school, i tried to scratch up my wrists a couple of times.

my mom would spank me up until my sophomore year of hs and she slapped me a couple of times when she didn't like something i said and i feel like that caused me a lot of self doubt and lack of confidence. i really don't want to be around my mom anymore, we talked about it and she said sorry but she was putting her hands on me up until i was in college. and we got into psychical fights cause of it a few times. i feel really guilty though cause i fought her.

right now, i'm in an abusive relationship and my bf hits me. recently, i started to notice that i've been hurting myself again like i did when i was younger. but this time, it's more agressive. my bf has noticed, and has told me to stop cause he doesn't want me to hurt myself and that it scares him. and i said, but it doesn't matter. i feel crazy, my bf has even called me crazy abd pyscho many times, but later says he didn't mean it.

idk what to do, i feel extremely down and empty.