Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarmas
I'm a people pleaser myself and I have placed myself in very bad predicaments because of it. I don't like to see people upset especially with me and I feel the need to help. I feel like I can help so I try and even when I try I still feel like i have done nothing.
It's funny that you say that because ever since I had sessions with my at I've been more aware of pleasing people even more than the norm for me. My grimness husband just passed at a very young age and lately I've been giving so much of myself and doing so much for her that I'm Almost losing myself. I went a little above and beyond today and I really shouldn't have because I've placed myself in a bad predicament so now I have to make things work for me.
i think that when we please people we lose ourselves a bit. It's important to make a mental note and remind ourselves that we count. Our happiness and opinions count. I'm thinking that we put everyone else first and ourselves last. I'm sure it's tied into our past. I guess we have to remember to place ourselves first and take care of ourselves in order for us to be able to help others when time comes. I've had to learn to say no and I'm getting better at it but I still fall for it.
I don't think it's fair for you to hold yourself liable for someone else's happiness. At a point like that try to accept that you've done the best you could do for someone.
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(((Hugs))), I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles with this. These issues are very challenging to work on. You are right, we do lose ourselves in the process and forget to take care of our own needs when we are always taking care of others. I've had some relationship experiences that might have affected me in this area. I'm sure that like you said, these issues come from the past somewhere. It should be an interesting topic to explore in therapy, but sometimes it takes time before my therapist can make assumptions based on my background, because it's not cut-and-dry. I don't like when therapists make leaps without knowing the whole story when it takes a while to understand my upbringing. It will take some digging.
I do need to give myself credit at times when I try my best. I guess I just like to see results and seek validation, but I know that's not how the world works all the time. I know that I shouldn't be so hard on myself and that I need to practice taking better care of myself, but when I attempt to do this, there seems to be backlash from others where they accuse me of not being there for them as much when I do make a change. I'll have to adopt the philosophy that you can't please everyone though. I still feel there's a need within me that's not being met....but I just can't figure out what it is.