you are not in the way sweetie your place here is perfect and exactly what it should be right now... a seed waiting to sprout... the pain is hard... no one wants it... but it is the water to your beautiful spirit about to emerge... just be gentle with yourself... a breakthrough is coming and you will see the purpose of your pain... have faith... do the work... take breaks as needed... you are in a process.. a process called growing... it hurts sometimes and for reasons you may not have wished for... but it is your special flower, your special gift... on its way to brighten us all...