Last session was difficult for me in that we are changing course apparently and I'm reading up on Existentialism...

This is scary stuff for me because it seems that the past abuse and pain that I went through should now be somthing I "get over".

I've made some bad decisions lately and have suffered some consequences and I can see that this type of therapy is more confronting and T will be less empathetic and more directive.

For example, the session that I sort of freaked out and had some awareness as well as crying etc. I told him that I appreciated how he has connected with me at certain times and I hold on to that.

Well, last session, we talked about how I test my dad, husband and T so they continually prove that they care about me. I said 'well, you handled that better than they do' and he said
'well, I'm trained in it'.

It just hit me last night that I feel like he took away the moments we had of our connection that I hold on to. Now it feels like to me that all of that was just another technique he used and it meant nothing.

So I crashed and cried uncontrollably. My p-doc gave me Seroquel to take at bedtime for a crisis and I did. It helped me sleep but of course, I'm sitting here wondering should I be learning from this or was this a slip on his part?

I will talk about this on Wednesday for sure but he is acting different towards me now and more clinical...he talks now about how I work hard in therapy and mentions 'work' in general much more than he used to.

I want to say stop it!! This may be work to you but this is my life and it is personal to me.

Am I making sense here?