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Originally Posted by xRavenx
(((Hugs))), I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles with this. These issues are very challenging to work on. You are right, we do lose ourselves in the process and forget to take care of our own needs when we are always taking care of others. I've had some relationship experiences that might have affected me in this area. I'm sure that like you said, these issues come from the past somewhere. It should be an interesting topic to explore in therapy, but sometimes it takes time before my therapist can make assumptions based on my background, because it's not cut-and-dry. I don't like when therapists make leaps without knowing the whole story when it takes a while to understand my upbringing. It will take some digging.
I do need to give myself credit at times when I try my best. I guess I just like to see results and seek validation, but I know that's not how the world works all the time. I know that I shouldn't be so hard on myself and that I need to practice taking better care of myself, but when I attempt to do this, there seems to be backlash from others where they accuse me of not being there for them as much when I do make a change. I'll have to adopt the philosophy that you can't please everyone though. I still feel there's a need within me that's not being met....but I just can't figure out what it is.
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Hugs to you as well. You are so right. It's something that should be discussed in depth in therapy and then worked on but it's true. These are one of this things that it's not just a simple discussion and it becomes an in depth topic where you have to look into the past. Some therapists are not willing to do so. I know mine said that there's so much that went on in my past that there wouldn't be anytime to cover it and so she basically skipped it. I still felt the need to process and address things but she thought it was too lengthy. I'm not sure why we were in such a rush being that she told me that my sessions were going to waste eventhough at the time i had unlimited sessions basically.
Now I'm not in session and dealing with theses issues along with others. For me it's a daily battle. I love to please others but most of the time it's not a win win situation. I give up time and effort and then somehow I end up losing towards the end in some fashion. It's a vicious cycle.
It's true that we can't please everyone. Unfortunately in certain cases it doesn't matter how Much you do and still others think that it's not enough of sub par. I guess we are looking for that validation but this is not the way.