Oh yagr. It is so hard to wade into the inner territory. Do you have some armor? Some safe places? Some magic tricks to protect you from the pain?

I want to share this with you:
Last night I was looking at a picture my brother posted of himself yesterday, and remembering the little boy he once was. All four of us children were sa'ed by our father and others for our entire childhoods, and as I was looking at this picture of my brother I recalled a memory I had of him.
This brother was so full of rage as a young teen. I always pictured it as intense colors swirling around him that lashed out at anyone who came within striking distance. I recalled a day when I realized that these colors of rage were not who he was. At the heart of the swirling mass of anger was a little boy, alone, curled up, and sobbing on the floor... this boy was so broken, so overwhelmed with shame, and so hurt. And I realized I did not need to be afraid of him, but to love him. This boy needed love so very, very badly.
But I was but a child - and a younger one than him - and every time I tried to reach the little boy I was swallowed by the colors.

I hope my brother has found a way to reach that little boy inside of him. I so hope that little boy isn't still there, all alone.
And yagr... I hope you will find a way to reach yours: He needs you.