It's not uncommon for people to masturbate to thinks that they'd otherwise find abhorrent. I myself suffer from fantasies that I masturbate to that in reality are not only taboo but that I just wouldn't find a turn-on, and actually I hate myself for masturbating thinking about them.

What we masturbate about isn't a big issue, but you could still potentially benefit from speaking to a therapist about it and working the issues through. Additionally, you'd potentially get to the bottom of any connected and possibly suppressed issues that are also lurking there surrounding the issue that you may not currently be aware of.

All the best

Phreak