Currently I am a severe alcohol abuser. I have been trying to get mental health treatment since 1992. I know that drinking on top of mental health problems is idiotic! But I live with suicidal emotions daily now because of total isolation in life. I absolutely have no one to talk with. This has been going on continually for the past ten years. Actually I have been alone for at least 60 percent of my adult life. Well maybe 50 percent.

The drinking distracts me from the suicidal emotions and loneliness. If I could get into a good treatment program for my dissociative disorder, my borderline personality disorder, and my PTSD it would help me stop drinking. I cannot get help. I also deal with all the symptoms like depression, anxiety, panic attacks, paranoia, sometimes delusions, etc.

My saving grace was that my Dad was a workaholic radiologist so I am not homeless yet. Actually next year I can apply for early social security. I will be poor but not homeless. Currently I see no chance of getting back to work.

I feel like I constantly have to apologize for my beer abuse because if it wasn't for my Dad I could not afford it. I feel guilty also because since 2005 I have been getting free medical care in the VA system. I do not feel guilty about the mental health treatment from the VA because they could have gotten me back to work at the VA Clinic in Lake City, Fl. with appropriate treatment.