Happy New Year everyone!! Lola, good to see you!

So we went to the party last night, I had every intention of leaving early like by 8:30pm because of having to be at work at 7:30 this morning. I guess it's true what they say about intentions and the road to hell being paved with 'em... ha ha... we stayed until after midnight, I had SO much fun it was just exactly what I needed!! Drank too much, got pretty wild & crazy, we played this card game called "Cards Against Humanity" and well, there were a few cards I considered off-limits and put them back if I got them, and it's pretty wrong all the way around, but.... dang, we had so much fun. I have not laughed so much in one sitting in I don't know how long. My face still hurts this morning from laughing so much.

This morning I am thinking that I am likely going to cancel the appt t made for 1/7 and not go back. Is it really possible to just wake up one morning and decide you are done with a t that you've had what you thought was a good t-relationship with for over 5 years?! It all feels so fake to me now after the other day, everything, all of it. I feel liberated somehow. I don't think this is how therapy is supposed to end, but honestly the way things were going, I am not sure there is any other way. She was never going to let me go. So I feel like I have to take a stand and leave without giving her a chance to reel me back in. I'm not going to cancel until the required 48 hours before, just to make sure I don't do it rashly, but this is what I see happening. I want to explain my reasons to her, I feel like she deserves to know because she has honestly helped me SO much over the years. But it's gonna be on her dime, not mine, I will write her a letter.

It's the start of a new year, I feel like I have changed since that last session, and I just don't think I can go back. I'm going to try life without a t for awhile.