I'm with you OP. Our system are devout alcoholics. Alcoholism is a disease....like my ex says...mental illness in a can...and we drink waaaay to many cans like an 18 pack a day.

I like the effects produced by alcohol....it calms me, the internal struggles melt away, and numbs the pain.

We have quite a few alcoholic Others in here and it only takes one of us to get us drinking even if a few wants to be sober. This has made it difficult to quit smoking, drugging, and drinking of which it took us 20 years to finally quit the first 2.

What everyone has said so far is true. Instead of making it so final sounding, I'd rather look at it as stopping drinking, one day at a time.

We are going back to meetings starting tommorrow because we met another person who is going to start going...an accountability partner. Just on my own we will never make it.

For a lifetime (48 yrs) since I started drinking and drugging as a teen, I got 3 years of sobriety through AA. My ex started drinking so did we a couple years ago....and I miss sobriety.

90 meetings in 90 days...just suit up and show up even if you don't want to.

Meetings trigger dissociation, anxiety, and switching...but I still go. I really don't have to say anything....but not being alone helps.

I wish you best of luck and hopefully treatment soon.