Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile
This is something I have never had in therapy. My day and time is never consistent and neither is the way my t is during session. Sometimes she is nice and other times she is like a witch.
This is a pattern I am all too familiar with in my own family. My mother is very unpredictable.
I realise now that my therapy is a plAce of chaos and inconsistency. No wonder I am so drawn to my t and try to please her in so many different ways.
Does anyone here see a benefit from weekly therapy at the same time and same day every week?
It is impossible for me to do this because of the way I work but it has never been an issue until now. I have never craved consistency because I thought it was boring, predictable and bloody mundane. Perhaps in consistency there is a safety?
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My T is very consistent and has serious boundaries. My appointment day and time has not changed since we set it at start (with the exception of a 10 minute change about 8 months ago, just to fit it better between his sessions before and after with time between. Giving a time buffer for him and me). He has said from the beginning "I always start on time, and I always end on time," which is pretty much true. I have left a few minutes early a few times, and he has been a minute or two late opening the door a few times, but that gives us some feelings to talk about and is never intentional on his end.
My T is always the same T, even when I am not the same me. It took me a long time to realize that no matter what I do, he is going to be the same calm, strong, and compassionate T. This has really helped me work through my negative transference and learn how to feel safe. So, in answer to your question, yes - in consistency there is safety. As our attachment relationship grows I feel more and more safe with him. I know he is going to do what he says he's going to do. I know he will be what he has been. This has been a gift beyond words to me.
