Ok,
First I must start by saying, in big, bold, and joyful tone,
Happy New Year to Us All.
---Don't smack me ---
Now for the truth...
How Un-Happy I've been...
So unhappy and alone on both holidays,
that for the first time in my entire life,
regardless of how hard I tried,
I didn't get dressed or eat but was instead immersed or rather immobilized with thoughts of how thankful I'd be
if I had a sudden heart attack or something (and died)
so I would not have to wake up, and feel that awful again on the next day.
If you felt like me last night and today, and/or in the weeks before both Christmas and New Years the same way, when
"Happy" and "Merry" was replaced with feelings such as,
Dread, Hurt, Depression, Panic, Remorse, Anger, Fear +
drowning in the sadness/pain of not
having the type of holiday season that you've had in other years
(surrounded by friends, family and the peace of knowing you are valued and loved) ?
Or
Maybe you've never had that type of "happy" holiday season, it seems everybody else always has ?
Regardless,
if the "Happy" and "Merry" did not exist,
and UN-Merry and UN-Happy were feelings you simply could not shake off,
I simply wanted you to know that you were not alone,
And although I'm still feeling very UN-Happy in this post very UN-Merry Season, I just decided that for a little while I'm going to do something,
really nice for myself
(maybe go out and buy something really good to eat even if I can't afford it),
because when life and the world (and others) are beating us down,
sometimes there's nobody left but ourselves to treat us kindly,
and remind us that we have value, and our lives matter.
And although I can't promise you that I'll succeed, adding some happiness into my very unhappy day (and life) -
I thought by sharing this idea here and now, I'd feel obligated to do it
(*something nice and happy for myself*),
just in case somebody reads this post and asks me if I actually did.
I'm encouraging all of you to try the same thing...When life sucks, treat yourself with extra kindness because You deserve it.
Hope your Unhappy days become happy ones, and the New Year brings us all miracles.