|
I don't mind working but others do. I'm either depressed or still manic after I'm fired and I lose literally everything without support. I won't ask for support when manic or depressed. I can't find a new job because the risk of losing everything makes me go completely crazy, fearing everyone.
It's impossible to do that 40 times. I am too capable of destroying myself.
I wish I knew how to be lazy. I always try too hard. I have to or I shouldn't but I do.
But I feel a responsibility to do good. I've done far more important work than I've ever done before. It's only fair the government pays me for it as it's for the common good. So each company pays part of my income, as they should. And no company wants a liability like me.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
|