I'm wondering if anyone else has seen this tendency in themselves?

I was married 24 years to a lying, cheating narcissistic sociopath. Shortly after the divorce, a long time friend 'came out' to me as being in an open marriage. We were together for 2 years. I had no desire to be married, no desire to have anyone in my home or in my bed at night. I broke up with him for other reasons, other than unable to get married.

Fast forward 3 years after breakup. I was seeing someone else, he proposed multiple times, I turned down the chance for a nice house and life of ease with him.

I thought it was first, the timing (too soon after divorce), second the man himself (still think that.) But now I'm thinking I want marriage, 5 years down the road. I discovered someone I met via a dating site, who joined a social group I'm in, and thus has been a 'friend' for 5, 6 months now, actually IS married, in an open marriage.

He has suddenly become more appealing to me, and this disturbs me greatly.

Is there something psychologically or emotionally broken in me that I want a man in my life, but someone who is not going to demand marriage, commitment, and moving in with him?

Has anyone else experienced this? Is it fear of making the same mistake twice? Fear of being caught? Fear of having a man change after marriage--which is what I saw with my XH, a complete change in behavior and treatment of me after marriage?

I'm looking for answers as to why I would find a married man more appealing, and the path to healing what I think is a bad thing.