Hi friends,

I am (supposed to be) a junior in college pursuing a degree in biochemistry. This fall though, I took the semester off to get eating disorder treatment. It was helpful, and I'm glad I did it, but it made me realize that my ED is just a cover for my depression and suicidality.

6 weeks ago I landed in the ICU after a major suicide attempt, and my t told me I needed to get residential treatment for suicidality. But that means taking another semester off! I'm willing, but reluctant.

Today I had to email the professor whose research lab I work in and tell her that I'm not doing well and I'm about to go get treatment...again. And I also got online to drop the classes I'm signed up for next semester, but a voice inside of me threw a hissy fit! Another semester, really?! I just wanna go back to school and normal college life, but I know bad things will happen if I do.

Going back to school would have been 10 times easier logistically and emotionally, but I have to realize that I'm still sick, and still need help.

It feels like I'm having to take another step back in order just to keep walking.
This is so hard :/