Because of my DID... I do have moments of joy... of love for God.. calmness... happiness...

I have disjointedness... cannot describe to a non DID person.. the severe level that my DID is rated at.. yepper.. on the "scale"... very severe..after 23 years of therapy...

I am in great pain... very great pain..

I have worked within therapy for 23 years.. for the "hope" of intergration.. for the "hope" of figuring things out..

I have a huge.. I mean a huge amount of courage... and a huge amount of strength..

I give myself to others.. that they may have a better life for have known me..it is what I do... it is what God gave to me as a "gift".. so that I can help others in IRL..

I am just questioning... what is there left.. what am I doing..

put yourself in my shoes.. and perhaps.. you will understand.. the hard, hard work.. keeping a family together.. the struggles.. of being DID...of having ED.. PTSD..GAD.. and depression.. on top of the DID..

I am guestioning.. if it is time for me to give up... when the giver.. wants to be the receiver.. in IRL...

again.. I am talking about IRL... my IRL... so that none are offended here at PC - you have all given.. and given and given...and I am very thankful..

Each of us has a "real life"... and it is that for which I am struggling....purpose.. meaning.. love.. all of it..

I don't think that there is an answer that anyone can give me.. I know.. I have to find the answer.. I just don't have it..

am feeling.. unsettled.. my alters out and about.. and nothing feels "connected"..

and so that I don't go thru this again here... I put this post in this forum...because I am really wondering.. why therapy??? why continue... just why .. what benefit.. at my age??