I have one more semester left and for last semester and this semester, the student department meetings have gone from every two weeks to once a week. I'm heavily triggered during most of them. I usually leave feeling suicidal and since I have a history of self-harm, I have to delay going home until I feel safe being by myself again. Even if I get past the feelings of wanting to hurt myself, I'm still usually so depressed that I can't do anything the rest of the night. I just can't do this for another semester. It seems wrong that those of us working on dissertations and are candidates should be required. Especially since none of us in the final semester have a departmental TA. I think one of us has a TA in another department, but that's beside the point. Other doctoral students have had to skip meals because they don't have time to eat between when the class/meeting is and I know I've had to lose a whole night of work because it's at the most inconvenient time.

Bottom line is I have no idea how to survive this semester of meetings. The only way to cope I can think of is to put earbuds in if I can somehow hide the fact that I'm using them. I've really been struggling with depression the last few months and I really can't cope with the level of triggers these meetings cause. Does anybody have any better ideas? I'm pretty sure I can get away with skipping some, but probably not all of them.