I started birth control for the first time ever this year. Since then, I've developed huge mood swings and a change in personality. I have never been a violent person - never hit or screamed at anyone before. Suddenly, while angry, I have repeatedly screamed at my boyfriend, refused to let him leave the room during an argument, and slapped him out of anger. He broke up with me because he couldn't take it anymore. I realized for the first time today that my actions have been abusive and I am plagued with guilt. I know this is not who I am - I have talked to family members and friends who have known me for years and they all say that they do not know me as an abusive person. Is it possible for someone to become abusive in such a short period of time? If not the birth control, what has caused me to become this monster?

I am planning to get the birth control removed this week (it is an implant in my arm) and all I can think about now is how much I have hurt my ex over the past few months. I hate myself for it, and I find myself thinking of hurting myself during my darkest moments. The pain feels like it will never go away. I can't eat or sleep. I still love him, but I don't think he can ever forgive me for what I've done. I don't know what to do. Please help.