I have been living with mental health diagnoses for most of my life. My earliest memory of meeting with a professional was when I was maybe 5 or 6. At the time, they diagnosed me with aspergers. I've since seen many professionals and have been to countless forms of therapy. I've had diagnoses of depression and anxiety primarily but most recently have been indicated to have traits of bi-polar disorder and PTSD.

As I near my 30's, I feel like I've really come to terms with my own demons. I know how to read myself and I know what my triggers are. I feel stable, but what my stable looks like isn't what an average person might call stable. There are days I just don't want to work. There are days I can't fall asleep. There are days I feel incredibly anxious and have a panic attack for no clear reason.

Recently, I took on a new job and my husband and I moved, so I've had a lot of stress. Ironically, I do work as a mental health professional for youth with disabilities. It is incredibly therapeutic for me working in this job, but there are days my own self-care takes the front seat. I maybe call in sick once or twice a month. And, other months, not at all. I never use more leave than I have. I have never taken leave without pay. My leave balances stay low, but they're always above 0.

However, my boss has started to notice this and has warned me I cannot take any more time off or I will be reprimanded. The frustrating part is that I have an excellent caseload. I am within all guidelines for my job and exceeding in many areas. Despite being out a few days a month, I am one of the top counselors and have no complaints from my clients or their families.

Anyhow--- I haven't called in for about 3 months now and I can feel it taking its toll. My anxiety has really sky rocketed. I've become more depressed. I just feel worn down. Exhausted. Even though I've been able to work every day, it has really caused me some trouble.

So, I consider now whether I need to disclose. And what that would look like. Its funny because I talk to my clients all the time about disclosing and how to do it, but its harder as a professional in this field. My coworkers always talk about their clients like they're foreign. I, on the other hand, can relate so much more to these clients than I do many of my peers. When they tell me about their symptoms, I understand. Maybe not exactly, but I can empathize at a much deeper level.

Another coworker disclosed and has been branded as unreliable. I actually disclosed privately to a coworker of mine and she was shocked. Said she had no clue. Part of me feels weak admitting this and then asking for special treatment, such as consideration for my sick day use, but another part of me knows I can't keep doing this. I love my job, I just need to take breaks every once in awhile.

Thoughts? Feedback? Needing support on this one! Once I disclose there isn't any going back. And I feel silly because I've been here for 3 years now and it will look out of place. But, I've only had my own case load for 1 year. I am so burned out just from these last few months I've actually considered quitting my job. But I know its not my job-- its just the strain without release. When I was able to take some time off, I could recharge and be ready for the challenges.