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Originally Posted by ~Tsunami
I see my T the same time every week, the same day (except for holiday weeks, which throws me). My T is very consistent with who he is in therapy. He is kind, empathic, knowledgeable, calm, and validating. This has helped me make progress and to be calm irl. I still have a long way to go, it feels like.
I'm so sorry you continue to have difficulty with your T.  Before this T, I had a T who had his own issues concerning attachment and it halted my progress. I know he wanted to help (except at the end), but I stayed knowing that what he was doing wasn't helping me and in fact, harmed me. It takes a strong person to realize what's going on, I know how painful it is. Take care and keep us posted. |
Thank you Tsunami, It sounds as though you have been through something similar with you t and are now on the other side of it. Attachment is a huge part of this. My t and I have different attachment styles and I have done a bit of research on this and it does seem to have a huge affect on the relationship and the therapeutic alliance. When I am clingy and needy my t will push me away and when she gets all clingy I proclaim indifference. I have never told her just how she means to me because she would most definitely not handle it very well and this would cause me great pain.
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Originally Posted by velcro003
This is a good thing.
And yes, I need consistency. I do like same day/time, but even if it was variable, really what I truly need is for my T's behavior/demeanor to be consistent. My mother was unpredictable through most of my childhood, and not being able to know what mood she could be in left me in fear often.
My T is pretty much exactly the same each week. She is kind and calm and curious, but non-judgemental. She has made mistakes (and one would be that she never called me back or e-mailed after I called her upset Thurs night), but she recognizes them and apologizes. More importantly, she tries not to do it again.
That is good therapy. I think you've known for awhile now that you are not in good therapy; in fact you are in an abusive situation, which I hate seeing. I hope you are strong enough to walk away from this T.
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Thank you Velcro, yes, I have known for a while. I am still mustering up enough strength to finally walk away. I am glad your t acknowledges her mistakes and tries to repair them, this must be very healing. I wish my t could at least see how much her comments hurt me.
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Originally Posted by Skies
Current and former therapists place tremendous importance on having the same time/day each and every week.
I'm not sure what your history/background is, but a therapist who doesn't do this with a trauma client raises huge red flags. Wait-aren't you a therapist in training? Was this not covered in your training?
It makes a huge difference. Without it, there's a sort of chaos that I can't explain. I've always had consistent appointments, but have noticed that sense of chaos when my appt had to be cancelled or rearranged.
Also, when I'm having flashbacks or general distress that reaches severe levels, just scheduling the extra appointment with my therapist calms me down greatly; knowing I will see him in a day or two, that he's there for me.
I wouldn't settle for anything less than a consistent day and time every week, that's for sure.
Need to add: my need for this goes back to pre-verbal trauma, I think, where it felt like I'd die or the world would end if no one was there. I think for people using therapy for general support, not having a consistent day/time isn't a big deal.
Also adding: just read some of the replies. I'm an inconsistent person myself in many ways, so this need doesn't come from my need for organization or rituals, etc., but it also serves to contain me. I see you've had trauma too-you might be missing that containment effect, for one.
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No this wasnt covered in any great detail in our training. I have not done much trauma training, its not really integrated in general t training here and you need to do a specialised training to call yourself a trauma t. My t has done a lot of trauma training but I am thinking she needs a refresher. I have read an awful lot about trauma and especially about the breaking and continuing and how important it is to go at the clients pace and not push them any further. I remember one of my first ruptures with t. She was trying to guilt trip me into reporting my abuser. She was really pushing and I felt so guilty, she was saying how could i live with myself knowing he was still out there free t abuse children. Asking if I even felt a little bit guilty about that.
I have been thinkinf for a long while that I need to really visit a trauma specialist but there isnt any here in my county only my t.