Hello Eleny: Well... no I guess I can't really relate to this directly. I've never smoked or done drugs & I gave up alcohol quite a few years ago now. But I do know something about addictions in general. Just a few minutes ago I replied to another member's post regarding being addicted to self-harm... which is something I can relate to... that & wanting to be healthy but instead being trapped by one's addictions. (I'll spare you the details.)

I wish I knew what to tell you about this. If you see a therapist, talking through this with that person may help. If you don't see one, perhaps the time is nigh? I do agree this is a slippery slope you're on. There's an old saying: "No matter how far you've travelled down the wrong road... TURN BACK!" I wish you well...