Thanks, Bill3.

Yes. I would likely be drawn to him if I could see him. Of course, in my mind, he'd be drawn to me as well and realize we had a good relationship and want to try it again. This is what my brain is thinking these days, as crazy as it seems. And even though it may be crazy, it seems plausible to me. People get back together. Why can't we be among them?

I can't stop keep thinking none of this would have happened if I had handled my depression over my job loss better. Doing that would have been so much easier than losing my boyfriend, too. I'm really mad at myself for this.

I do fear what you say -- that if I reached out to him and he thought I was still sad, this might push him away even more.

But as we sit here at the beginning of a new year, I'm obsessed with the idea that it's a good time to reach out and ask for bygones to be bygones. I want to say, "It's a new year. And I'd like to have you in my life." Do you have thoughts / advice on that?

I'm not sure if my therapist is an expert on grief. She's empathetic and wants me to make an effort to move on. I really like her. But maybe I need to consider someone who works only in grief counseling.