I want to put the word out about the dangers of hospitalization and taking psychiatric medications.

I am a white middle-eastern 30 year old Southern Californian male and have mild bipolar disorder but nevertheless was held on a 5150 and 5250 three years ago simply for being a medical marijuana patient and sending a few worrisome digital messages to my dad and a few people. I was not violent or confrontational, just frustrated and paranoid. At the time I was freelancing and typically earning a thousand dollars a month or so, living with a friend. I had overstayed my welcome though and asked my family for some support, like a place to live or extra money. Instead of supporting me, they got me a room in one of those luxury sober living houses, where I felt out of place being around former heroin addicts, and then my family gave me 2 options, to go to the street and live in my car or get evaluated by a hospital. I went to UCLA hospital thinking they would just tell me nothing is wrong with me, I'm just a bit stressed out, and explained to the nurse who evaluated me that I was simply having some financial difficulties and did not mean any harm by the messages I sent, not looking to hurt myself or anyone else, and nevertheless I was involuntarily admitted.

I had no idea what the implications were about going to that hospital. If I knew that it would take away my gun privileges or that they are even allowed to involuntarily hold someone, I would not have set foot in that hospital, I would have gone to live in my car, taken showers at my gym, laundry at the laundromat, until I found a job. I'm sure I would have eventually been fine. But what was done was done, irreversible. Life goes on.



My dad then allowed me to live in his condo's extra bedroom, but I was still financially stressed out and turning to marijuana to ease the stress, I started believing that the CIA and FBI were out to get me and that I am supposed to be a CIA agent but being discriminated against, so I went to a police station and asked them to take me to a hospital, and there I was placed on Zyprexa. Upon leaving and getting back to my dad's condo, I became suicidal (side effect from Zyprexa), called 911 and they 5150'd me again, and put me back on Abilify. After a couple months I stopped taking it again because of the side effects.

This was September 2014 now, I decided to register for classes at the closest junior college where I got full financial aid and straight As, taking up to 23 units in one semester. In Nov. 2014 I started getting $2100 per month in SSDI which completely eased my financial worries since I was now able to afford food, clothing and transportation while living under my dad's roof. But I got into an argument with my family after the school year was over, and in August 2015 I left to Mexico with my SSDI. My family became worried and my psychiatrist made my mother my SSDI rep. payee later that month, cutting off my direct deposit and forcing me to fly home. I got home around 11pm one night, my dad had changed the lock on his front door, so I went to my car in the building garage to sleep. My family called the police, told them they want another evaluation, the Department of Health came over in the middle of the night, woke me up inconsiderately by coming up to my car and tapping on the window where I was sleeping peacefully, and 5150'd me again. I was given Latuda, and it made me feel suicidal as well so I stopped taking it within a few weeks. Then I thought up a new delusion that my dad was sleeping with an ex-girlfriend of mine, and I asked him about it, a few hours later Department of Health 5150'd me again. During that last hospitalization I was placed on Invega.

Before taking Invega I was at the peak of my physical fitness, 6 feet tall and 185 pounds and going to Crossfit. Invega made me gain 30 pounds in less than a year and made me so lethargic that I could not go to the gym. I have a beer belly now, big love handles, a double chin, and can't fit into any of my old clothing (I have had to buy a new wardrobe). I got suicidal again because of this weight gain and five months ago I told my family and my doctors, I'm stopping the medication. I am worried that I will not be able to get my old looks back regardless of how much I diet and work out. I feel extremely unconfident, afraid to show myself in public. When I look in the mirror I see a slob. I fear that looking the way I do, if I don't lose the weight I will never be able to get a job until I'm 50 and looking overweight is normal.

Invega cleared up my delusions, however it made me so physically unhealthy that I became depressed as a result. It is not a good medication. NONE of these medications should have ever been approved by the FDA. It's better to have a minor mental illness, maybe some paranoid thoughts and delusions, than to have your metabolism, blood sugar, and hormones messed with and be overweight or obese after being fit your whole life, which can KILL you. And, I think that hospitals should not be able to 5150 someone simply because someone's family said so, because of some weird electronic communication and legal drug use.