</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
almeda24fan said:
Last session was difficult for me in that we are changing course apparently

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">"Apparently" makes it sound like it is a surprise to you that you are changing, rather then something deliberate your T and you have agreed on. ?? Are you surprised? Do you know why the change?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

No, I haven't asked him directly why. In fact, it never occurred to me to get his agreement on my course of action because I don't have a clue what his job should be. Although, your point is well taken that I need to ask more questions about this since I am a bit hesitant.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
This is scary stuff for me because it seems that the past abuse and pain that I went through should now be somthing I "get over".

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It sounds like you feel you should be over the past abuse. Why do you think so? Sounds like you are pressuring yourself to be somewhere you're not. If you are not over it, then maybe you need to work on it more?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Oh just in the stuff I'm reading on Existential therapy...I read something about accountability for our symptoms that we create...obviously T can tell me more about this than my imagination should come up with.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I can see that this type of therapy is more confronting and T will be less empathetic and more directive

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">What is "this type of therapy"? A particular approach? Was it a joint decision that you and T are trying this new approach? Sounds exciting but scary too. I hear undertones in what you write that maybe you don't want this new approach? Sorry if that is wrong!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

He definitely did change last session. Probably because I have regressed and made some really bad decisions and had enough paranoia going on to warrant some Seroquel when needed. Maybe he is afraid that he isn't helping me or something by being friendly...again this is me trying to determine what he is thinking. I need to stop that!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I said 'well, you handled that better than they do' and he said 'well, I'm trained in it'.

It just hit me last night that I feel like he took away the moments we had of our connection that I hold on to. Now it feels like to me that all of that was just another technique he used and it meant nothing.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I don't hear that at all in his words. He is just telling you he is an expert at that, which is a good thing. It's just like my siggy: "Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." Just because they are expert doesn't mean the relationships have no meaning and aren't real. From all you have written in your posts, it seems to me your relationship with your T is meaningful and real.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I want to say stop it!! This may be work to you but this is my life and it is personal to me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Wow, I totally get that! Can you say that to him? It sounds like his new manner with you is more impersonal and that must hurt if you have previously had a more casual and friendly way of interacting. I can see that it would seem like he is pushing you away. Do you know why he is doing that? Do you think it is unconscious? Deliberate? Is this new way of interacting something he learned in a recent class, something he is doing with all of his clients?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Oh I just remembered too that he is basing some of this decision on the Pink cd I had him listen to that I said is how I really feel and can't express it to him. That is when he used the term Existential Angst...

Angst = Anxiety and you can bet I have it more now that we are going this way!