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Originally Posted by junkDNA
its okay.. i like reading what you post. i have been having tons of negative feelings about my T lately. i guess thats what its about. i get worried that im gonna go there and something will make me feel bad and ill get all upset and wont be able to recover from it. ive kinda addressed my negative feelings towards him but not in any great detail. im aware a lot of it is mostly in my mind... i guess thats why i just keep it to myself... i feel attached to my T but i also wish i wasnt, i think i get angry at myself for letting this happen... and then turn it on my T.. like, why have you done this!?!?
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Glad you like reading my posts--I like reading yours, too!
I've had some negative feelings about my (individual) T, lately, too. Like I haven't seen her since before Christmas (aside from a "hi" today in the waiting room), and I don't feel like I really miss her. I know this is different from your situation with your T (that's more like stuff with my MC), but I just don't feel like my T gets me. She's certainly helped me in some ways, and she's been there for me at times when I've needed her, but I don't feel like she really understands who I am or what motivates me, why I feel and do the things I do. And I feel like MC does. So it's hard.
Today I sort of went into more individual stuff in our session with MC at one point (while acknowledging that I knew it was something more appropriate for T, but he was OK with it, plus it related to my daughter, so H was OK). I just feel safer opening up to him for some reason. Like, stuff just comes out when I'm talking to him. Stuff I maybe didn't even realize I was feeling. It does happen some with T, but definitely more with MC. Like he taps into some other place in my psyche. (Maybe because he also has anxiety issues? I don't know.)
I don't know if that means there's something wrong or missing in my relationship with T, or if it's just I have some rare connection with MC. If I didn't have that comparison, I would think it was me, not T. But maybe T just isn't quite the right fit for me? It's been like 5 years...I've considered switching a few times, but don't know. Maybe I need to try T shopping? I mean, if I could find a T who seemed to get me more like MC does, maybe I could manage to detach from him...or at least use him just for marriage stuff and have my own T who I can delve into other stuff with. I don't know...T is just tougher on me than MC, so maybe I'm just afraid I'm running away because I don't want to deal with that. Like maybe I just want someone who's more reassuring like MC, but I actually need someone like T. Wish I could find some middle ground... I'll stop rambling now.