Well, I have had things going on IRL that have been so bad that I would just come on PC and read and sit. I could not talk about my own challenges, was much too overwhelmed and tended to help others instead. At least that helped me think about something else rather than how badly I was doing.

If only others could actually see me when things were so incredibly bad, sitting at the computer, shaking with PTSD chills, the heater at my feet had not showered and sometimes it was so bad I burned my legs with the heater not realizing it because the PTSD chills were just so bad.

I remember reading and posting and reading and posting trying SO HARD. I was SO BAD LauraBeth. I would get up wanting to avoid going outside SO MUCH, and sit and type, then I would get up and read my statistics so I could remember what I had posted and to whom. What other members did not know about me when I joined is that I was actually dangerously suicidal.

I know I talked about PTSD, but I was trying SO HARD to understand it because I was experiencing it so badly. Well, part of my brain was struggling SO MUCH, yet another part was totally confused about it. And everyone IRL was being so mean to me about it. The therapist I had been seeing had told me he was a herioin addict and was also a narcissist. Scared? Ugh, if there was a bad therapist, I sat across from him/her. Needing the kind of help I had needed and not being able to find the right help is not something someone expects to experience. I had to have therapy for bad therapy and honestly, I came so close to not even "being".

I don't even remember reading the guidelines, thing is, I don't remember because that's how bad I was. Having the statistics helped SO MUCH. Did you ever read a post with missing words? Did you even happen to think that could be a sign of just how bad someone is struggling and "not" how they really talk? You know, sometimes what appears to look like angry or "mean" is more "frustration" from the way someone is challenged?

When I joined PC I had NEVER heard the term "trigger", but I was being triggered a lot, no therapist ever explained that to me. I had so many "triggers" in fact in my IRL environment because a great deal of trauma happened in my environment, but I did not "understand" that. The thing about PTSD is that some have it more severe then others.

People say, "if that triggers you then don't go there" right? But, what if you don't know "why" something triggers you? OR, what if you "need" to be triggered so you can find someway of learning how to "control" it? What if you are so afraid of being triggered in front of people that can "use that against you"? What if you want to interact where you "know" someone is going to argue with you for practice because you are going to face that kind of situation and YOU HAVE TO ABLE TO HANDLE IT?

When you are faced with people who tell you, "You can't react, don't react" and you "can" react and that is something you don't understand because you were never like that, not so incredibly sensitive that you can react before even consciously choosing to do so how do you work on that?

What about when someone is struggling so badly that they sit and read their homepage and see something they want to talk about and they post it and fail to follow instructions, "unknowingly" because what they are trying to say is this.... which means I want to talk about this but I can't seem to find the words today. It can mean, "will you help me talk, can you get me started, can't seem to muster that today, don't know why though.

My husband goes to AA meetings almost every night, the other nights he works. I get jealous because I wish there was something like that for me. I can't go to his meetings because it triggers me tbh, I am not an alcoholic and having experienced three in my life is enough, I need something different something for PTSD. There is nothing around for that and that is how I found Psych Central, looking for a "live" support group. I definitely get SO LONELY.

I can understand why some members liked having that CE forum and being able to discuss some politics. It can be helpful in ways. It can be helpful if one posts and then thinks about what they posted and change their mind and delete, or rethink their initial response and change their mind too. I don't think there is another place that has that. However, there is a risk as someone had warned me a few years back, "you know people will actually hate you if they are X and find out you are Y". I noticed that to be "true".

It's understandable the need to take some time to actually think through the decision to finally stop allowing. Considering what the main goal of the site is meant to be and the "risk" involved.