I'm so past my breaking point. I can't take it anymore.

I just found out another person I went to school with committed suicide. This is the 7th or 8th suicide I've experienced. I witnessed a suicide at age 4 or 5 that was so horrifying. I have *never* experienced a normal death yet. When I lost the last person, I completely flipped out and nearly went inpatient. Now, it's just once step closer to going there because I can't hold it together.

On top of that, I am MPD and my alters are having horrible horrible flashbacks constantly. One just cries the whole time and longs to let it all out. The nightmares, the flashbacks, the yelling, I can't take it anymore. I can't.

It's Sunday night at nearly 930 and I want to just run away and hurt myself to the point of no return. I promised T I'd call her anytime if it got this bad, but I feel horrible calling her at home. I'm at a loss, and I feel like it doesn't matter anyway, the pain will just keep coming and coming, never ever letting me live.